What to do when sparks fly at the office? – What you should know about relationships at work
For him, it’s the blonde intern in Sales who always greets him so nicely in the hallway; for her, it’s that undershirt-clad delivery driver with the striking jawline. Most employees know this feeling that makes them look forward to going to the office a little more each day. Whether it’s the start of an innocent crush, a little flirtation or even the love of a lifetime: the workplace has become a serious place to meet a partner in Germany. People often sit from office chair to office chair and grow closer that way.
- For those who love drawing conclusions: thoughts on the causes
- For those who like hard facts: statistics and trends
- Is a relationship with a colleague generally allowed?
- For lovers of drama: possible consequences after a breakup
Year after year, opinion and market researchers publish the latest figures on how many people have met, fallen in love or separated at work. A look at the surveys from recent years is enough to show that offices in Germany are steadily gaining importance as a place for singles to meet. Whereas Germans used to be very sceptical about the subject of “love at work” and quickly turned tender feelings in the place of duty into a taboo, German office buildings are now at least generally seen as a place where you might cast an eye over your colleagues. The reasons for this change in attitude are varied.
For those who love drawing conclusions: thoughts on the causes
For one thing, employees are spending more and more time in the office. Whereas in the past the end of the working day was sacred and everyone collectively downed tools, today it is considered good form to treat the end of the working day more as a recommendation than a rule. Possible causes include a tougher labour market, increased competition among employees, fear of losing one’s job and, as a result, slipping into precarious living conditions. The latter in particular is spreading more and more – paradoxically at a time of economic growth – which experts say is mainly due to well-known so-called reality TV programmes on commercial television.
Of course, there are also positive reasons to stay at the office longer than your contract requires. A strong order book, seasonal peak periods, the odd work project close to your heart, the prospect of promotions or commissions. One way or another, working life is increasingly becoming the focal point of everyday life, even for average employees. While ten or twenty years ago it was mainly people in management positions who geared their lives around a highly paid job, “professional flexibility” is now also expected in far less well-paid roles. This total dedication to the job is therefore changing the social lives of the wider population.
For those who like hard facts: statistics and trends
For one in seven employees, a steady relationship began at work; one in five has already fallen in love at work, and more than a third could at least theoretically imagine such a relationship. That is the conclusion of a study carried out by the social research and statistical analysis company “Forsa” on behalf of the business network “Xing”. Among everyone who has ever fallen in love at work, the study goes on to say, colleagues are by far the most attractive partners, at 85 percent. “Only just under one in ten has lost their heart to a superior or a subordinate.” According to “Forsa”, women also fall in love with their boss more often than men do.
There is even a “league table” of departments. It shows very clearly that hands-on areas of work are especially popular. According to the survey results, the hottest prospects work in the following departments: production came in first place, sales in second, HR in third, accounting in fourth, while marketing and PR brought up the rear in the top 5.
Against the backdrop of employees spending more and more time in the office, the following sentence from the analysis is particularly interesting: “One in three respondents sees the workplace as a good place to find a relationship, because they rarely meet people outside of it.” The representative studies in German-speaking countries also name the biggest advantage of the office as a place to strike up a romance: you already know your partner through working with them, so you are not buying “a pig in a poke”. This, too, can be interpreted as a logical consequence of dwindling free time: anyone who hardly has any time for a private life also has to approach love in a “results-oriented” way.
Is a relationship with a work colleague generally allowed?
Love in the office is a private matter, even at work. That’s both good and bad news. On the one hand – and that’s the good news – no boss in the world can forbid employees from falling in love. There are often so-called codes of ethics or internal rules that include a relevant clause, but legally speaking such rules are not binding. At the same time, however, this also means that private matters must remain private: just as a possible argument with your best friend, the after-effects of a Father’s Day pub crawl or your pet’s injured ankle should not affect your work, neither should a relationship with a colleague influence your day-to-day tasks. So if you’re in love with a female colleague, it shouldn’t show in the quality of your work. Love in the workplace can also remain secret.
WHAT SHOULD I BE AWARE OF IF I FALL IN LOVE AT WORK?
The boss can therefore ask a newly smitten couple to make the relationship known to their colleagues, in order to keep office gossip free of rumours and thus maintain a positive working atmosphere. Likewise, a manager may ask the couple to refrain from public displays of affection in the workplace. Once the relationship is official, it is advisable, if only out of common courtesy, to inform your manager and, where appropriate, your colleagues. Love in the workplace does not have to remain a taboo subject.
WHAT IS THE LEGAL SITUATION REGARDING LOVE IN THE WORKPLACE?
Here too, common sense sums up all employment law rules: passionate kissing after a conference is just as taboo as a quick fling on the photocopier – and the same goes for all the other Hollywood clichés the topic brings to mind. Likewise, would-be machos and models who see the office more as a place to flirt than a place to work would do well to show some restraint: criminal law also applies in the office. A report for sexual harassment is a very real risk – not to mention the employment consequences (formal warning, dismissal) of an amorous “misunderstanding”. Experts also strongly advise against flirting with anyone in senior management: in such cases, everyone involved is too likely to suspect that the person in love is more interested in career advancement than in the person they claim to have feelings for. It also becomes critical when tender feelings develop in a trainer-trainee relationship: the trainer must never abuse their position.
HOW CAN I AVOID TROUBLE AT WORK IF I’M IN LOVE WITH A COLLEAGUE?
In love with a colleague: But if everything is going well and the relationship at work does not interfere with productivity in the workplace, there are advantages to boyfriend and girlfriend working in the same office. Unlike most couples, colleague couples also see each other during working hours, usually have the same working hours and professional interests, and naturally show more understanding for work-related behaviour than couples who work in completely different situations. Partners who work together also already know in their private lives how their partner reacts in this or that situation – for example, whether they cope well with stress or whether they need particularly loving support in such a situation. When it comes to taking holiday together, the same applies to couples as to individuals: employees' holiday requests must be taken into account just like other social considerations – this applies especially to couples with children. Love at work: There is a lot to consider here. But over time, you get the hang of it.
For lovers of drama: Possible consequences after a breakup
Film buffs know: life goes on after the happy ending. Let's assume the following situation: two people fall in love at work, expertly manage the balancing act between private matters and professional interests, keep their private happiness private, and work harmoniously and impeccably side by side the whole time in the interests of their employer… and then, for some reason, they break up. While it was still exciting and thrilling at the start of the budding romance to get to the office as quickly as possible, the team now has not one but two colleagues who would rather not come to work at all.
As easy as this logic is for outsiders to understand, for the newly separated it can be hell. In particularly bad cases, it can help to ask the boss to be transferred to another department. Of course, this is only possible in larger companies – after all, the transfer must be to an equivalent position. Not only do the managers have to give their approval, but, where applicable, the works council as well. As for behaviour, it goes without saying that discretion is also called for here: loud arguments in the corridor are just as unacceptable as tearful lamenting. If this basic principle is violated, work will suffer – and the manager will have to step in.